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What is your recovery rate? How long does it take you to recover from actions and behaviours that upset you? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? How long? The longer it takes you to recover the more influence that incident has on your actions, the less able you are to perform to your personal best. In a nutshell the longer it takes you to recover the weaker you are and the poorer your performance.

Just ask yourself:

How many times have I got upset with my spouse or partner for something the children did hours ago?

How many times have I missed an opportunity because I was still focussed on an upset and all I could say was ‘NO’ to everything?

How many times have I driven my car erratically because I was still thinking of an incident that made me angry?

The point is: a poor recovery rate affects your health. A poor recovery rate affects your well being. A poor recovery rate stops you from living to your potential.

You are well aware that you need to exercise to keep the body fit and, no doubt, accept that a reasonable measure of health is the speed in which your heart and respiratory system recovers after exercise. Likewise the faster you let go of an issue that upsets you, the faster you return to an equilibrium the healthier you will be. The best example of this behaviour is found with professional sportspeople. They know that the faster they can forget an incident or missed opportunity and get on with the game the better their performance. In fact, most measure the time it takes them to overcome and forget an incident in a game and most reckon a recovery rate of 30 seconds is too long!

How long does it take you to recover and overcome and forget and incident at work or at home?

A method that I and many others use to help us reduce the recovery time is the method of the FULL STOP.

Imagine yourself to be an actor in a play on the stage. Your aim is to play your part to the best of your ability. You have been given a script and at the end of each sentence is a full stop. Each time you get to the end of the sentence you start a new one and although the next sentence is related to the last it is not affected by it. Your job is to deliver each sentence to the best of your ability.

Now think about your life. Imagine life is no more than a play, a drama and we each have a role to play in that drama. Your job is to play your part to the best of your ability and the better you play your part the more chance that you will inspire others around you to improve their performance. Each incident you face is a new sentence. Just put a full stop behind it and start again. Accept that every time you meet someone or have a conversation with a person on the telephone or even send an email it is a new incident.

You have both moved on since you last met, so remembering the last occasion only keeps you in the past and stops you moving forward. Stops you seeing new opportunities. The next time you see the person that upset you, or you upset, is a new occasion there is nothing to be gained by continuing from where you left off. The incident has finished. You are both in a different place now. It is a new sentence so start again.

My grandmother used to call it destiny. “Accept what has happened as part of your destiny and live with it”, was a favourite phrase of hers. You cannot change what has happened. Sulking or Brooding will not help. Analysing will only give you a headache and keep it fresh in your mind. In the same way that you cannot enter the same river twice, you will never face the exact same incident again so why analyse that one? You can however notice whether you have a habit or thought pattern that clicks in in certain circumstances and stops you performing to your best. You can then look at the habit and decide how you can change it.

The secret to a better life is be like the sportsperson, ask yourself:

Did I recover quicker today than I did yesterday?

Did I recover quicker this time than the last occasion I faced a similar incident?

Did I allow myself to be average today?

Did I equal or improve on my personal best today?

Don’t live your life in the past! Learn to live in the present, to overcome the past. Stop the past from influencing your daily life. Don’t allow thoughts of the past to reduce your personal best. Stop the past from interfering with your life. Learn to recover quickly.

What we are suggesting is not an easy path. To work on your recovery rate and make changes in your thoughts, behaviour and attitudes requires a great deal of effort. However, the rewards are also great. It is important that you don’t force yourself to work on your recovery rate because you think you ought to or must or because you feel it will ‘make you a better person’. There’s no benefit in that because you will not stick to the task. You will make a great deal of effort at the beginning but when you are not achieving the results you want you will stop or look for another technique. Only when you really feel you want to change.

When you realise life is not working for you at the moment using the methods you are using will you put in the effort to change your behaviour to improve your recovery rate. You can only improve your recovery rate when you can see that there is great benefit for the self.

Once you decide you wish to improve your recovery rate, you will start to check and change your thoughts and behaviour and make effort to perform to your personal best. You can check your progress by measuring the speed in which you are able to apply a full stop. The time it takes you to let go. The time it takes before you are functioning at or near your personal best again.

Check yourself:

What was my recovery rate after the argument with my partner?

What was my recovery rate after I lost a sale?

What was my recovery rate after I received a ticket for speeding?

What was my recovery rate after I heard a friend was ill?

What was my recovery rate after I got frustrated with myself over………?

But remember; Rome wasn’t built in a day. Reflect on your recovery rate each day. Every day before you go to bed, look at your progress. Don’t lie in bed saying to yourself, ‘I did that wrong’. ‘I should have done better there’. No. Look at your day and note when you made an effort to place a full stop after an incident. This is a success. You are taking control of your life. Remember this is a step by step process. This is not a make-over. You are undertaking real change here.
Your aim: reduce the time spent in recovery.

The way forward?

Live in the present. Not in the precedent.

Graham and Julie live in the Canary Islands where they pursue their love of writing and photography. To see more of their work please go to:
http://www.desktop-meditation.com

…you are, he is, she is, they are… But you knew that already, didn’t you? Or have you really stopped to think about it recently - or ever for that matter?

Huh?

I guess we need a little clarification on this. So…do this. Touch yourself. That’s right, go ahead and touch yourself.

So, what did you feel? Skin? Of course. Maybe some hair? OK. How about warmth? Sure, unless you’re standing naked in your back yard in Minnesota in the middle of January. (You really need to get back inside as quickly as possible - and try to cut back on the quantity of hot toddies…)

Unless you’re numbed out of your gourd or weren’t really paying attention, you felt YOU! So what’s so special about that? YOU’RE ALIVE! Honest-to-goodness, really alive! Think about it. For about a zillion years you weren’t - alive that is. You did not exist. You were only scattered molecular stardust. You could have been a little part of just about anything you can think of - oak tree, beach, chicken feathers - you name it. (Don’t dwell too long on this thought. It can get pretty gross real quick if you let it.)

From the beginning of time, we have been nothing more than a potential biological jigsaw puzzle waiting for assembly. And now - son-of-a-gun, here we are. From two microscopic half-cells merged in a surge of passion, the miracle of genetics has transformed that single cell into a zillion-celled, complex, functioning animal organism.

‘Tain’t no big deal, you say? It happens every day?

Oh, c’mon, now. It is a mega-deal that happens thousands and thousands of times a day. And - it happens with a terrifically small percentage of errors. As a general rule, our noses, eyes and ears wind up in pretty much the right place on our heads. We have the correct numbers of arms, legs, fingers and toes. And our innards are all positioned normally and function as they were intended. All this from microscopic cell latched onto the lining of Mom’s womb!

Let’s take a quick inventory of “us”.

We all have a really cool, flexible, articulating framework as a foundation for the rest of the stuff we’re made of. Over 200 bones, all connected together and hinged so we can walk, talk, stand, sit, run, bend, stoop, squat, jump, reach, grasp, point, scratch, eat, push, pull, lift, swim, lie down and perform any other maneuver or contortion you can think of. Cool, huh? In addition of course, some of this framework also does a great job of protecting our insides - brain, lungs, heart, and digestive system - from damage from excessive outside forces.

All of these fairly solid hunks of material are connected and maneuvered by our tendons, ligaments and muscles. The assemblies of interconnected, expandable, contractible, cells that work harmoniously as directed to allow us to accomplish all of the things we’ve already mentioned.

Think about it! Just the fact that we have a solid supporting framework that we can manipulate and move pretty much as we desire is amazing in and of itself!

Our basic building blocks - our cells - are all individually live little bits of protein and goo that use the oxygen and nutrients they are supplied to multiply and do the jobs required of the organ that they are a part of.

Our digestive system takes the raw materials we provide it in the way of food (and occasionally assorted garbage), processes it into a form usable by the cells and ships it out through our internal distribution system. The unusable excess is dumped (excuse the term) externally.

Our circulatory system - heart, arteries, capillaries, veins - transport nourishment, oxygen, and an assortment of other chemicals and substances (hormones, biological warriors, waste materials and occasional invading buggies) to and from all of our body parts (individual cells).

Our respiratory system - lungs and associated passageways - snags the oxygen from the air, passes it along to the transporters in our bloodstream, drags the carbon dioxide (one of the byproducts of cell life) back out of the blood and expels it out into the air.

Our nervous system receives outside stimuli from sights, sounds, smells, tastes and “feels”, translates it into generally comprehensible information and either uses it immediately to produce a response or stores it for future reference. At the same time, it keeps all of our internal processes functioning in a fairly efficient manner.

Add to all of this, our systems and sub-systems for gathering the outside stimuli in the first place (eyes, ears, nose, etc.), fighting off disease, healing injuries, maintaining body temperature, maintaining chemical balance, growing hair, producing freckles, passing gas, reproducing, etc. and suddenly we are introduced to ourselves as an extremely complex biological organism!

Holy Smokes, folks! We are one of the most complicated assemblies of parts and pieces on the face of this earth! We are so complicated in fact, that even after studying our body parts for all these years to try to figure out exactly how all our stuff works, we still don’t know everything! Maybe we never will. Who knows?

Are ya trackin’ with me here? We - you and I - are ALIVE! We’re functioning and doing all the stuff that we human-type animals do. If that’s not absolutely mind-boggling, I don’t know what is!

About The Author

Gene, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog along with affordable books and materials written to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of life’s “secrets for survival” in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It’s a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathz.com/

gene@nupathz.com

How Can We Heal From Loss?

Part Three on Loss

“There is no real way to deal with everything you lose.”
Joan Didion, from an interview in the San Francisco Chronicle, January 6, 2004.

My view of loss looks at four areas.

People: Spouse or partner, a child or parent, a long time friend. It may be a single loss or the build up of losses over time.

Place: Your place of comfort - of home.

Things & Roles: Possessions treasured for the memories they hold; things we associate with people we love. We also lose our roles and jobs.

Self: This may be a feeling of having no purpose, or it may be a feeling that you missed something that would have led to happiness. We also lose our self in a direct way as we age. And for some we lose aspects of ourselves prematurely to disease.
How are we affected?

I see four principle ways or areas of impact.

Physically: We neglect our self; we care less about and for our physical well-being. Disease and age also produce loss within and upon our bodies.

Emotionally: We may withdraw from other. We may lash out.

Mentally: We may deaden our mind and avoid thinking or
remembering in any number of ways. Our thoughts may turn negative, always seeing more loss in the future.

Spiritually: There may be a drawing away from beliefs long held or there may be a desire to find a new belief.
Will everyone respond the same way to loss? No, however most of us will respond in some negative or self defeating way for some period of time.

New tactics

How do you make a shift to heal from loss? How can you re-start your life? Here are a few suggestions.

1) Take time to look closely at your situation. Assess your response to the particular loss. What are you feeling right now as you consider this? What are you doing differently now or not doing? If you are looking at life-long loss; then try to look at how this has affected your actions and thinking.

2) Take time to think about how you would want your life to be different. Changes you want to see in the future. What would a re-started life look like? Make a list. Be specific. Do it now.

© Fritz M. Brunner, Ph.D. 2005

Fritz M. Brunner, Ph.D. is a coach and consultant engaged in working with people wanting to excel in life and business. He also leads tele-groups focused on loss. Please visit his web site at http://www.fmbrunner.com or contact him at fritz@fmbrunner.com

Recently I approached a traffic light where a man stood in shabby clothes with a three-legged dog by his side. As I waited for the light to change I looked at this scene with compassion and felt an urge to contribute something. The sign he was carrying indicated that he was homeless. The people in my car commented that he was a strong young man, there were plenty of employment opportunities, and why should anyone give to people who are capable of working. They indicated a kind of mild contempt for this man soliciting funds whom they felt “should” be working. My thoughts were on him and the fact that he cared for and fed this crippled dog. I rolled down the window and gave him several dollars for which he expressed enormous gratitude.

As the companions in my car semi-scolded me for being a sucker and for enabling him to continue to be a beggar I thought of some words of Mother Teresa. “You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway.” Truly this was not between me and my friends in the car, nor was it between that homeless man and me. It was between God and me. Something inside of me urged me to extend love and a little cash to the man and his dog. That “something” was a fleeting moment of consulting my soul.

To me, spiritual and physical are not two separate dimensions of reality. I think of spiritual practice as a way of making my life work at a higher level and receiving guidance for handling my problems. The ways in which I do this involve a few simple, basic practices:

Surrender is the most crucial and perhaps most difficult for me. In surrendering, my thoughts are something like this: I simply do not know how to resolve this situation and I am turning it over to the same force that I turn my physical body over to every night when I go to sleep. I trust in this unseen part of me to keep my heart beating, my blood circulating, and so on.

Accessing spiritual solutions means converting my inner thoughts and feelings from discord and disharmony to love. In the spirit of surrender and love I silently chant, “I invite the highest good for all concerned to be here now.” I try to see anger, hatred and disharmony as invitations to surrender and love. With this understanding I have the option to allow spirit to manifest and work through me.
I believe my spirit is inseparable from the infinite. Having a relationship with the infinite part of myself encourages my recognition of spiritual solutions. The awareness of my infinite nature is terrific for putting everything into perspective.

My approach to problem-solving involves cultivating an empty mind. In this space I listen, and allow myself to have complete faith that I will be guided in the direction of resolution. I let go of my ideas about how something should be resolved.

Finding spiritual solutions to my life’s problems always involves generosity and gratefulness. For me, this means giving my life to my soul purpose and being grateful for the opportunity to do so. I believe that I get back from the world what I put out to the world, not only physically but also in terms of my thoughts. So, I recommend spiritual practices that involve being generous and grateful with thoughts as well as actions.

Nurturing a sense of connectedness to everyone and everything invites spiritual solutions. When I see myself as connected I am not looking for occasions to be offended or to judge. I don’t see anyone as my enemy or an obstacle. This is how I relinquish negative self-talk and connect to the solutions that are available to me. In moments of despair I try to affirm, “I see nothing, I hear nothing, I know nothing that is separate from me.”

Finally I choose cheerfulness as a gauge of my level of spiritual consciousness at any given moment. The more cheerful, happy, contented, and satisfied I am feeling, the more aware I am of my connection to spirit. So, does all this mean I’m suggesting that you always give money to people who ask for it? No. But I am suggesting that the next time you see someone asking for money, look at that situation as being between you and your spiritual consciousness - between you and God. Consult your soul and if you feel that you don’t want to give, don’t. But rather than letting anger or judgment rule the moment, offer that person a silent blessing from the part of you that is a part of him. This is consulting your soul.

About The Author:

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, affectionately called the “father of motivation” by his fans, is one of the most widely known and respected people in the field of self-empowerment. He became a well-known author with his bestselling book, Your Erroneous Zones, and has gone on to write many other self-help classics, including Meditations for Manifesting, Staying on the Path, Your Sacred Self, Everyday Wisdom, and You’ll See It When You Believe It.

When I went to bed last night, I had a piece of paper in my hand aiming to write some thoughts in my head, flashed, as only those unformed midnight thoughts.
It was all made up of unexpected burning words; don’t know why I thought about doing this? I don’t feel want to write, I used to type it on my PC, as if my pen has corroded.

I knew even in my half-sleep it was nonsense, meaningless, but that forcing and hammering would clear its shape.
But then when I started writing, not a word of it remains, not even a hint of its direction
Beginning to feel sleepier, I surrendered & turned off the lights, that was shortly after midnight.

I usually have dreamless sleep I wished if I would dream of anything that night.
just as soon as I closed my eyes; thoughts popped up in my head, I knew if I tried to catch them again it will be in vain.
And when I wake up in the morning I will forget all about it.
I usually have that easy sleep, but something was preventing me that day from sleep.

Light was coming through my window; I left it half open to see the moon rays falling on the curtain, it made wonderful shapes with that pale grey & silver stripes.

It is very cold, the forlorn wind scarcely breathes, I loved to close my eyes a moment and think of the land outside. a long walk; short pier … the sound of ocean, the rain drops, smelling the night breath full with grass scent … how relaxing and quiet it was.
Now I’m not remembering anything about those thoughts, just great well to go on in such way till I sleep … I only felt the morning light scorching my face I woke up it was around 6 am, closed my window to sleep for another more 2 hours preparing to wake up to go for work.I couldn’t write anything of that which was in my head that night, but it was all fine with me, although I didn’t dream!

Free, intermittent thoughts…. My life diary

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This morning I tried to convince my husband* that managing a household is exceptionally time consuming- times two for me as I am no domestic goddess. I could write volumes of contrite and unneeded examples and still not cover what goddesses superior to me know about mother, wife and individual. Our conversation is far from over and before today, I would have wasted too much energy trying to get him to see something he can’t, and impatiently waiting until he happens upon a moment that strikes him, as he usually does, and he says, “Oh! I get it, baby.”

Winter 2004 was also the complete death and rebirth of my life. Up until May of 2005, my life was a myriad of choices tainted with too much self-denial. It has been absolutely debilitating, embarrassing, painful, and amazing. I have been called crazy, immature, insecure, stupid and a few others I will remember later and wished I’d written. These statements would have previously permeated and debilitated my life in one or more ways; today, they have little effect.

My life, on paper, looks pretty good:

Education: B.A. Cultural Anthropology, M.S. Information Studies

Certifications: MCSE, CCNA, Cisco Certified Instructor, Certified Technical Trainer, Mat Pilates Instructor, Spinning Instructor, Resist-a-ball trainer

Occupation: Tenured Associate Professor- Computer Information Systems

Age: Almost 33

5′2″

110 pounds

Blood Pressure: 90/60

Marital Status: Engaged

Children: 17 year-old stepson

3 dogs

3 cats

Now here’s the truth:

Blah, blah, blah,

Now here’s the truth that matters:

I call Larry my husband*, because that is what I believe and feel he is. The right moment has not happened for us to marry. It will and we will. Ours is a love that is serendipitous to those who can embrace it and absurd to those who cannot, and I don’t care, I love him.

I call Jimmie my step-son, because that is what I believe and feel he is. He is an amazing child/man who has allowed me to suffer through realizing who I was at his age and who I am now. He is this enigma that brought forth the innate love and pain of motherhood that I thought I was incapable of possessing or feeling.

For seven years I have had daily physical pain that steadily grew to feel like a knife pushed up under my left shoulder blade, through my neck and out my temple. By February I was in pain and having constant muscle spasms.

After five months of hard-earned (in more ways than one) sick-leave, I decided this month that I am quitting the job that gives me that safe income, cheap health insurance, “summers and December” and, “Dude, teaching is like so easy! You only work like four hours a week.” Only good teachers know what I mean. Oh yeah, and it looks good on paper.

At the end of January 2005, I lost most of my money through Internet fraud. Not only did I lose my money, but also my ego. Ms. Computer Professor should have known better. By middle March, Larry was involved in three automobile accidents, and Jimmie one. Thankfully, they were never harmed. Two of the accidents counted against my once terrific insurance record. My credit score plummeted from 860 to 540 and a few minor issues here and there, as well as all the other possibilities of the world that we all deal with.

Now you’re startin’ to get the crazy, stupid, yadda, yadda, yadda, and the stimulus for this morning’s argument, right? How could anyone in their right mind quit their job at such a time in life and, what! What! WHAT! I’m using my retirement money to live on. They’re coming to take me away, ha, ha, hee, hee…

I quit all that good stuff on paper, all those things we knew didn’t really matter September 11, 2001, but eventually failed to recall. I quit because I love my husband, I love my step-son and now, I’m learning to love me.

Life took everything that I thought did or didn’t matter away, if only for one realized moment. When you are at rock bottom for any reason, there is available a voice, an angel, a guide, a vision, whatever you want to name it, that enables you to hold tighter to hope and you and life begin to do amazing things.

I believe no less than 95% of people can be happier, healthier and know true love. I believe there can be complete positive and complete negative, hence, the other 5%. I believe that no matter how successful I may become or hard I may fall, I will still be called crazy, stupid, immature, yadda, yadda, yadda, by some. I believe most people wish they could feel as happy and confident about something.

I know I can no longer teach to a few an incidental computer lesson, when I can teach many about the truths we all want to know. The ones you find when you lose everything, realize so much, and yearn to know more.
I know I’m now remembering what I truly felt September 11, 2001 and I’m living my life as a wife, a mother, a creator, a writer, even if that means I am crazy, stupid, immature…

A former computer professor turned Internet writer, Patti Pacifico, has combined elements of film,music,publishing and the Internet, to create the world’s first digi-tome, “life”. From losing everything, she found her creativity and searches for those interested in a different way of learning and beautiful way of living.

http://www.pattipacifico.com

http://www.respectfully-pattipacifico.com

“Yet not one [sparrow] is forgotten by God” (Luke 12:6 NIV).

Paul Harvey tells about the farmer who heard irregular thumping sounds against his kitchen storm door. He went over and watched as tiny sparrows beat in vain against the glass in an attempt to get to the warmth inside. The farmer bundled up and plodded through the fresh snow to get to the barn door and open it for the freezing birds. He switched on the light and threw some hay into a corner for them. But the sparrows hid in the darkness.

The man tried various schemes to get the birds into the barn, but nothing worked. They could not comprehend that he was trying to help them. Finally, the farmer returned to his house and watched the doomed sparrows with deep sorrow. He thought to himself, “If only I could become a bird–one of them–just for a moment. Then I wouldn’t frighten them so. I could show them the way to warmth and safety.” At that moment he also grasped the reason Jesus was born.

We are so tempted to doubt God’s love and care for each of us. How can God have the time to care about our little concerns when He has the heavens and the earth to take care of? But — even the hairs of our head are numbered. In today’s complex and indifferent world it is difficult to grasp that there really is Someone Who cares about us so much that He died for us. All we need to do is “trust and obey,” as the hymn says, and get on with our daily duties. The rest is up to our Father.

We parents surely can relate to this kind of care. Our children know that we love them, so they don’t spend their waking moments wondering about it. So God’s children know, also, that their Father loves them!

A Toad in Trouble

Recently, I was deeply stirred by the healing power of acceptance and love after hearing a dear friend’s story about his five year old son. While the young boy was shopping with his mother he created some trouble in the store, resulting in a scolding from the store clerk and his mother. With childhood wonder, innocence and regret the wee lad explained to his parents, it was the “toad” who got carried away in the store, not he. The toad indeed, was very sorry.

From then on, each time “bad” behaviour erupted, my friend and his wife used the toad metaphor to help their five year old identify inappropriate behaviour. This occurred a time or two until one afternoon at home the young boy had a huge upset with his mom, ending with him spouting mean words. Both mother and father, heated and frustrated, again chastised their young son, “The toad is misbehaving again. We don’t want to see the toad now.” The episode ended with the strained mother departing alone for what had been a much anticipated shopping trip. The loss of the shopping outing and the painful family upset left the little lad wholly distraught. My dear friend, being a wise and caring soul tried to comfort his boy but to no avail.

A Bell Rings in the Soul

Then, as my friend described it, it was as though a bell rang in his soul. I knew well what he meant. During pivotal times with my own son this bell had rung in my soul awakening me to the significance of the moment. In that heightened awareness habitual response is suspended. In a flash of clarity my friend understood the “toad” was hurting so he invited the toad to come near and talk.

“The toad can’t come see you now,” came the unhappy response. “The toad is hiding behind the corner but the nice puppy or the electrician will play with you.” As with all children this age the boy loved pretending to be animals or “workers.” Listening to the little boy’s words with the keen ears of the soul, my friend then spoke deeply from his heart. “Oh! Poor little toad! That poor little toad must be so lonely, hiding by himself and unable to come out.” The sweet little boy burst into tears and rushed into his daddy’s arms. Together they wept as my friend softly reassured the small boy, “Oh, little Toad, I am so sorry we told you to go away. You’re a good little toad - sometimes you just get a little carried away but we love you and never meant to push you away.” Drying his tears the young son revealed, “Dad - that toad is clever too.” Great healing filled their hearts.

Kiss the Toad; Find Love

What a gift for us all! Our toad to be loved! Within each of us dwells a lonely toad filled with fear and hurt. When our fear and pain croaks to us we have been trained to squash it - to be rid of this dark side. “Enough! Stop that! Buck up! Suck it up! Shut-up! Get over it! What is wrong with you? Grow up…” Just as this would further damage that sweet little boy - we hurt ourselves by despising the toad.

As in the sage teachings of fairytales we see it is in kissing the toad (frog) that we transform all that we first reviled, into the love of our life - our prince (or princess). By accepting and unconditionally loving the beast we discover its beauty (and cleverness!). Let us all practice kissing the toad!

Teresa Proudlove is the publisher/editor of http://www.yourlifework.com: support and inspiration for your work and life. Teresa has been inspiring, supporting, and mentoring over 3000 people upon their lifework path for fourteen years, leading workshops and authoring many internationally published articles.

When I was twelve my parents bought me a five foot snooker table for my birthday. This turned out to be the best present I was ever bought and I quickly became hooked on the game. My friends would regularly come round to my house for a game and when they were not there I would practice on my own.

After a few months a few of us decided to join a snooker club where we could play on full size tables. I was amazed the first time I saw one of these tables at its sheer size, it was twelve foot by six foot. We started to play and it was much more difficult to pot the balls on this much larger table.

The club itself was superb and had free coaching for children under the age of sixteen on a Saturday morning. The coach was called Glen who was aged around thirty at the time. He was a larger than life character and a very good snooker player. We were encouraged to join this free coaching which we duly did. There was regular tournaments as well as coaching and they gave us free drinks and toast.

All of the players were not exactly the best in the world being so young and not one of us had ever had a twenty break. This was the first goal of all of us, to become the first player to reach this target. I was extremely determined that it would be me and listened carefully to what I was being taught and tried hard to implement it.

My progress was quite rapid and to my amazement I was the first person to score that elusive twenty break. People around the snooker table I was playing on started to applaud and I was walking around with a beaming smile on my face.

Glen who was on the other side of the room wondered over to find out what all of the noise was about. I thought he would be so proud of me and happy at my achievement, however he stated that if I could score twenty, I could score thirty. He told me to stop messing about and smiling, and to re-concentrate on the job in hand.

I had been brought straight back down to earth and was a bit gutted to say the least. This lesson was a very good one for me to learn at such an early age and I eventually went on to have breaks of over one hundred.

Stephen Hill has a number of websites including:

http://www.natural-health-cure.co.uk

http://www.alternative-therapy.co.uk

http://www.stress-management-game.co.uk

Why do so many of us end up frustrated
when we try to improve our personal reality?

Why do diets end up in gained weight?

Why do some people fail again and again at business?

Why do others get into one bad relationship after another - in spite of their deep desire for a “good” relationship?

Obviously no one *wishes* to fail in their personal or business life. Yet this is an all-too-common problem

Let’s face it! We want and deserve to make our lives a better place to be!

We want and deserve success! We want a sense of security! We want a good relationship with ourselves and others.

Good grief — most of us just WANT to be happy!

** The *Basic Rule* of Lasting Personal Change
Trying to change the external conditions of your life is obviously a challenge.

The basic rule of personal change is this: Your effort will *always* fail, or only be temporary, unless accompanied by a change of your internal thoughts and beliefs.

It all starts in your mind! Period!

For example: Consider trying to lose weight by going on a “diet,” without first dealing with “why” you are overweight.

We all know the final outcome of such a battle - failure!

There are NO exceptions to this rule.

To change your external conditions, you must first change your internal reality.

Ask yourself: What’s happening in your mind to make your business efforts end in failure? Or your relationships collapse? Or your waistline to continuously expand?

Unless you uncover and deal with the source, all your efforts will only be a band-aid over a festering wound.

This rule applies to anything you want to change in your life: From a fear of flying, to chronic underachievement and failure, lack of motivation, low energy, monetary lack, etc.

** How We Create Our Personal Reality
The old saying “you become what you think” is more than just a “saying.” It is now solidly backed by years of sophisticated brain research. Here’s how it works:

Picture a foot path through a meadow: Frequent use creates a well-defined pathway. But if the path isn’t used, it eventually disappears.

By its very nature, your mind is a creature of habit. Just like a path through a meadow - neural pathways in your brain are “worn in”
(strengthened) by frequent use. But unused neural pathways, on the other hand, will slowly disappear.

So . . . if you give frequent attention to negative thoughts and conditions, they will grow stronger and more defined.

If you focus on the bright side of life, on the other hand, your “positive” neural pathways will gain strength and definition. It really IS this simple.

((( What you focus on will grow! )))

Your thoughts actually CREATE your external reality, because they determine how you will respond to what happens to you!

And your RESPONSES, in turn, directly determine your “personal reality.”

** How Your Mind Works
Your conscious and subconscious minds are a team. They work together to create your “mental reality.”

No one *consciously* chooses to think negatively. Most of our negative thoughts rise up automatically out of our subconscious minds.

Picture your subconscious mind as a garden. Your habitual thoughts and beliefs are seeds. The subconscious mind does not question the seeds planted in it. It simply provides the soil in which they flourish and grow.

Your conscious mind, on the other hand, is the wise gardener. It chooses and plants healthy seeds, and removes the weeds that have grown in your mental garden.

It’s important to remember that the subconscious mind does NOT *rationally analyze* the seeds planted in its soil. It just works 24-hours a day to grow what has been planted in it.

Your subconscious mind will manifest failure, sickness, depression and misfortune — just as easily as it will manifest success, abundance, and happiness.

** Four “ANT-Stomping” Steps

If you have not achieved the happiness and success you deserve in your life, you probably have some ANTs running around your subconscious mind.

ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) can undo our most determined efforts to create a healthy, happy, successful, prosperous life. They are the enemy of anyone desiring lasting personal change.

Here are five steps you can take to stomp out your ANTs:

First, build your awareness of what those ANTs are all about. What messages are they marching through your subconscious mind?

Second, once you become aware of an ANT, drag it out into the sunlight of your conscious mind. Ask yourself: Is it providing a message about something you should change? Or is it just spouting “old stuff” from age five that’s no longer really true?

Third, create an anchor to either make the indicated change, or stomp that ANT. An anchor is a *signal* to yourself that will become automatic, once established. For example, you could instruct yourself to snap your fingers every time an ANT tries to undo your efforts to improve your life. Come up with your own anchor.

Fourth, remember that your mind can only hold ONE thought at a time. Focus your conscious thoughts on what you WANT. Do NOT focus on worry or limitation. Remember: What you focus on *will* grow!

Fifth, most of all, just hang in there my friend! Personal change and growth happens one day at a time. Just continue to rededicate yourself to creating the life you desire…and deserve!

The author, Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler, is a doctor of psychology, pioneer brain/mind researcher, and former advisor to the Pentagon, a Presidential Commission, and numerous top executives and executive teams.

The author of several books and hundreds of articles, she is also the co-founder of quantum-self.com, and the Creative Director of the Self Discovery Community.
She can be reached at: drjill@quantum-self.com

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